Home
Jericho and Dwejimi
EXT. DARK ALLEY - NIGHT
CHILDREN huddle around a burning trash can as their MOM and DAD tell a story.
DAD
Have we ever told you how our great America came to be?
CHILDREN
(in unison, excitedly)
No! Tell us, tell us, tell us!
MOM
Many years ago, before the world imploded, there was a young man named Jericho.
DAD
They say he was born dead, that a goddess' touch brought him back to life. They say he was something of a god himself.
MOM
Oh, but it actually begins before that, with a boy named Dwejimi. Dwejimi was a lot like Jericho, but much worse. He was angry, and insane, and a little bit evil.
CHILDREN
(quietly whimpering)
Is this story scary, Momma?
MOM
Do you wanna hear the story or not?
CHILDREN
(Small nods)
Yes Momma, we want to hear the story!
MOM
Well then. We begin in Elysia…
FADE OUT:
INT. PALACE BEDROOM - DAY
EZEKIEL lies in a bed, staring out a window. His SERVANTS stand beside him, appearing worried. The MOM stands on the side of the stage with her CHILDREN by a burning barrel, invisible to EZEKIEL and his SERVANTS.
EZEKIEL
(groaning)
Hannah!
HANNAH
(bowing)
Yes, my lord?
EZEKIEL
Bring me a boy. Strong-willed, sturdy. Worthy of a throne.
HANNAH
(confoundedly)
A boy, Your Majesty?
EZEKIEL
(aggravated)
Yes, yes, a boy! Quickly, before your king wastes away!
HANNAH
Yes, sire.
MOM
That's right, children. King Ezekiel asked Hannah to go kidnap a child. If you don't listen to your mommy and daddy, King Ezekiel will get you too!
HANNAH
(rushing in with Dwejimi)
A boy, my liege. The doctor says he will grow to be very strong.
EZEKIEL
Be gone with you. I need to talk with this boy alone.
HANNAH
(bowing, walking away)
Very well, my lord.
EZEKIEL
(turning to the child)
What might be your name, young one?
DWEJIMI
(turning away nervously)
Bomi, King Ezekiel.
EZEKIEL
(harrumphs)
A dull name. Your name is now Dwejimi, and you are now my son.
DWEJIMI
(looking up surprisedly)
Your son? Your honor, I have a family!
EZEKIEL
Hannah! Where did you find this boy?
HANNAH
At the market, my lord.
DWEJIMI
(angrily)
You took me from my life! Return me!
EZEKIEL
(shocked)
You would choose your family over your king? Traitorous wench!
DWEJIMI
(bowing)
Apologies, my lord.
EZEKIEL
(deadpan)
You will make a good king, Dwejimi. But you must learn to never apologize.
INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
The FISHERMAN sits in a large leather chair. A sharp knock is heard.
FISHERMAN
(startled)
What?! Who's there?
(opening the door)
Wha-
TILDE
Oh the wind's frightful out here! Would you be so kind as to let a poor woman seek shelter in your home?
FISHERMAN
(lamely)
Couch is on the left.
(retreats to chair)
Don't drip on it.
TILDE
(surprised, muttering)
This one's different. They're usually so rude!
FISHERMAN
(shouting)
Close the door, daft idiot! It's getting cold!
TILDE
And… there it is.
FADE OUT:
INT. BATHROOM - DAY
TILDE lies in a bathtub across from a mirror with the FISHERMAN and the DOCTOR.
TILDE
(groaning)
The baby's coming!
FISHERMAN
You're okay. You're okay.
(Turns to mirror)
You're going to be okay.
TILDE
(screaming)
Why'd I choose a natural birth?
DOCTOR
(holding newborn baby)
He's come way too early.
(sighing, disappointed)
He's stillborn.
TILDE
(weakly)
I can help… bring my baby to me…
(strokes the baby's head)
Return to me, my child.
BABY
(cooing)
Baba.
DOCTOR
(fearfully)
How? This is the work of witches!
TILDE
(disgustedly)
I am not a witch. I am a god!
(falls unconscious)
Ugh.
FADE OUT:
EXT. BATTLEFIELD - DAY
DWEJIMI stands in front of smoking rubble, his armor bloody and damaged. His AIDE approaches him with a grim look on their face.
AIDE
Apologies, my lord. There's nothing more to be done. Elysia has fallen.
DWEJIMI
(throws his helmet to the ground)
Curse the gods!
AIDE
(backing away)
I- I apologize, Your Majesty.
DWEJIMI
Order the men to mount up. We're defending what little we have, if nothing else.
AIDE
Yes, my lord.
GENERAL
(Rushes in from left stage)
The army is ready, my lord. But is this truly the fate you wish to doom us to?
DWEJIMI
(angrily)
For what land will we live if not for Elysia? Who will you live for if not your king?
GENERAL
(pleading)
We live for our homes - our lives, our wives - my king! We would kill for you, but we beg you, do not make us die for you.
DWEJIMI
(coldly)
You will fight, General, or it will be your wife's head on the ground, not yours.
GENERAL
(angrily)
You threaten my wife?! You may be a king, but you are a king of ruins!
(gesturing with arms)
Of nothing! I should cut you down here and now!
DWEJIMI
(soft, quiet, dangerous voice)
Lay a hand on your blade, and you will learn exactly what makes me king. Go home. I'll lead the men myself.
GENERAL
(turning around, restrained)
Yes, my lord.
DWEJIMI
(Smiling slightly)
Oh, and General? I apologize for the mess.
GENERAL
(surprised)
Wha-
FADE OUT:
EXT. BATTLEFIELD - DAY
DWEJIMI stands above the GENERAL's corpse.
DWEJIMI
(sobbing)
What gods have I angered? Why am I doomed to fall to mere barbarians...
(trailing off)
What gods...
AIDE
(approaching quietly)
My king, they request a meeting.
DWEJIMI
(screaming)
Tell them they can have it all. There's nothing left worth fighting for anyway.
AIDE
They want to end this war, sir.
DWEJIMI
(indignant)
Tribute? They dare demand a tribute? I am a king! I will not bow...
(calms himself)
Take the deal. Before I go mad.
AIDE
Right away, my liege. You have saved Elysia.
DWEJIMI
(laughing dryly)
Elysia died with my father.
AIDE
You have saved us.
DWEJIMI
What a pitiful king I am, consoled by mere house servants.
AIDE
(sighing)
You still have our thanks, my king.
FADE OUT:
EXT. ROAD - DAY
JERICHO mounts a horse, TILDE and the FISHERMAN tearfully watching.
TILDE
Good fare, my son.
FISHERMAN
Be careful boy. A kingdom is not worth your life.
JERICHO
But it is, father. What am I if not a king? A divine son without a throne is a farmer without his fields!
FISHERMAN
But a farmer alive with no crops is happier than a farmer dead in the ground.
JERICHO
Is he? Or is he so miserable he would take his own life?
FADE OUT:
EXT. FIELD - DAY
JERICHO stands opposite a ginormous MEERKAT that towers over him.
JERICHO
Let me pass, animal menace. I am Jericho, hero of...
MEERKAT
(patronizing)
Ah, another hero. What foolish honorable mission are you on?
JERICHO
I seek to rule my own kingdom. I dream of a kingdom where men share in camaraderie, where an animal like you and a hero like I can live together, in peace!
MEERKAT
(incredulous)
An animal?! Is that how you see me? How you all see me? I am more refined, more sophisticated, than any...
(sneering)
human will ever be! I have existed for millennia, and will exist for millennia!
(shouting)
You puny beings live half a century and call yourselves wise! You build your little stone rectangles and call them palaces! You wield heavy chunks of metal and call them weapons!
(bellowing)
I exist in a plane so above you cannot begin to comprehend it! I- to you, I am a god!
JERICHO
You're right, great meerkat. I only meant to analogize, not to offend. But for all your years, I wager that I can still beat you in any game of logic!
MEERKAT
(jeering)
Is that so? Then riddle me this, fair hero: what frightens an elephant, but not a bird? Answer this, and I shall let you pass.
JERICHO
You ask for an answer, but the one I give will not please you. The answer is not a mouse, as you postulate, but in fact a bug!
MEERKAT
(stalwart)
Explain.
JERICHO
It is but a myth that a mouse scares an elephant, for a quick movement from a small thing startles all, even something as giant as an elephant. But take, for example, a honey bee. A bird will happily eat such a pest, but an elephant will run and trumpet!
MEERKAT
(nodding)
An interesting take, little human. You may pass.
JERICHO
(walking past)
Come visit sometime. You'd like it in my kingdom.
MEERKAT
I'll visit when you actually have a kingdom.
SMASH CUT:
EXT. FOREST - NIGHT
JERICHO stands opposite an ASSASSIN.
ASSASSIN
Halt! Hand over your gold, traveler.
JERICHO
I have no will to give it, nor it to give.
ASSASSIN
Then a blood tax. Raise your arms!
JERICHO
(raising his arms)
Why?
ASSASSIN
(exasperated)
Every time...
(mumbling and holding his head)
every time…
(shouting)
I meant your sword, fool, your sword!
JERICHO
(sneaking behind the assassin)
Fool, you say?
ASSASSIN
(posing)
Crafty… parley!
JERICHO
(aggressively stabbing)
What tomfoolery is that stance?
ASSASSIN
(panting, coughing up blood)
Well played, fool, well played.
SMASH CUT:
EXT. VILLAGE - DAY
JERICHO stands opposite an OLD MAN.
JERICHO
This feels oddly twisted…
OLD MAN
(menacing)
Die, cream-faced loon!
JERICHO
Nevermind.
OLD MAN
(running towards Jericho)
DIE!
JERICHO
(pushing the old man by his head using one hand)
I am Jericho, son of the god Tilde, conquerer of assassins, wiser than meerkats, nightmare of…
(pauses)
the elderly!
SMASH CUT:
EXT. VALLEY - DAY
JERICHO stands in a valley, examining the land.
JERICHO
(gasping)
Finally! A place to begin my kingdom! It shall be marvelous. I shall call it… Pidyndale!
FADE OUT:
INT. THRONE ROOM - DAY
DWEJIMI lies on the floor in front of his throne. His AIDE rushes in with a COURIER.
AIDE
Sire, there's a courier here. He brings news of a new kingdom in the West!
DWEJIMI
(leaping to his feet)
What man dares rule where my kingdom stood?!
COURIER
Jericho MacIntyre hereby declares the founding of the kingdom of Pidyndale.
DWEJIMI
(yelling angrily)
HANNAH! Get the troops ready! We're going on a crusade!
AIDE
My name's not…
(shaking head)
nevermind. Yes, immediately, my lord. And of the barbarians?
DWEJIMI
Curse them! We'll cut a path right through them if we have to. Just ready the troops!
AIDE
(whimpering)
Yes, sire.
DWEJIMI
And get me some candied figs!
EXT. BATTLEFIELD - DAY
DWEJIMI and his ARMY stand opposite the BARBARIAN KING and the BARBARIAN ARMY.
BARBARIAN KING
Where do you think you're going, little king?
DWEJIMI
We wish you no harm, barbarian. We simply have business to attend to at the remains of Elysia.
BARBARIAN KING
No one crosses the border. Not even you, illiterate, pitiable wench.
DWEJIMI
(gritting teeth)
It's urgent business. We will return. The tithe will be paid in full. Let us pass. And I am not illiterate, you half-minded fool!
BARBARIAN KING
(stomping)
You. Will. Not. Leave. I have spoken. Return to your palace, white one.
DWEJIMI
(indignant)
Your forces look sick, king. Are you sure they could withstand me?
BARBARIAN KING
(enraged)
Is that a threat?
DWEJIMI
Of course not. Simply… an observation. But I would suggest you send some of your troops home. They look… weak.
BARBARIAN KING
(sighing)
My army is ailing.
(resolute)
But it will never - never! - fall to yours.
DWEJIMI
(guffawing)
This is not your choice. Let us pass.
BARBARIAN KING
No. This is your final warning. Go. Home.
DWEJIMI
(turning to army)
You heard the man. Let's go home. Let's go to our ancestral Elysia!
ARMY
(roaring)
Glory to Elysia!
DWEJIMI
Charge!
BARBARIAN KING
(raising arm)
Form up! The traitor king must not pass!
BARBARIAN ARMY
(groaning)
M-my lord!
BARBARIAN KING
Fools! Cowards! Weaklings! Stand for your king!
BARBARIAN SOLDIER
(throws up on king's shoes)
We have failed you.. my lord.
DWEJIMI
Onward, to Elysia!
EXT. PIDYNDALE - DUSK
DWEJIMI sits on a horse on the opposite side of an opaque wall as JERICHO, also on a horse. DWEJIMI's ARMY stands behind him.
DWEJIMI
(sing-song)
Open the gates, Jericho. I have an army, and you have but a mare.
JERICHO
(calmly)
An army, you say? Well, I have the power of the divine.
DWEJIMI
I believe I can beat a man. Blast the gods, they can kill me after. Release the balls!
Balls roll into the wall, and sections collapse.
DWEJIMI
Ready to surrender yet?
JERICHO
Hardly! As you said, I have but a mare and my own life, and that cannot be threatened by these balls of stone.
DWEJIMI
Balls of stone, indeed!
JERICHO
Balls of stone? Nay. There is something I await. I will not lose today.
FADE OUT:
INT. SHACK - DAY
CHIKIM stands opposite CHIKIM'S MOM, in a shack with JERICHO's portrait on the mantle.
CHIKIM
Come on, Mom, what did you want to show me?
CHIKIM'S MOM
Patience, Chikim.
(looks up, looks down)
you hardly have any place to be anyways.
CHIKIM
Mom! What's that supposed to mean?
CHIKIM'S MOM
Well, it means you're
(inhales deeply)
disorganized, messy, unemployed, disheveled, lazy, worthless, disappointing...
CHIKIM
Yes, yes, I get it, I'm awesome. What did you want to show me?
CHIKIM'S MOM
Oh, yes, I wanted to give you this.
(pulls out a broken half of a sword)
It's a sword, a gift from your good-for-nothing father.
CHIKIM
(bouncing excitedly)
Shiny!
CHIKIM'S MOM
Just, get out of here. He needs help. I heard his girly screams last night.
CHIKIM
Where is he?
CHIKIM'S MOM
How would I know? He's probably somewhere in the middle of nowhere, cock fighting with some drunk ogre and calling it conquering the world!
CHIKIM
Ah, so he's in Elysia.
CHIKIM'S MOM
(exasperated)
Yes, he's in Elysia!
CHIKIM
(muttering)
You could have just said that…
CHIKIM'S MOM
(raising shoe)
What did you say?!
FADE OUT:
EXT. PIDYNDALE - DUSK
JERICHO is leaning backward precariously as DWEJIMI's sword grazes his neck.
DWEJIMI
Surrender!
JERICHO
(pouty)
No.
DWEJIMI
(exhausted)
You either surrender, or you die. What do you mean, "No?"
JERICHO
(resolute)
Then I'd rather die.
DWEJIMI
You do realize this isn't a movie, right?
JERICHO
No, but...
(turns towards audience, winks)
it might as well be, with how heroic I'm being.
DWEJIMI
Not the time!
JERICHO
Apologies.
(pulls out a broken sword)
This will be your doom!
DWEJIMI
(cackling)
And they said I was insane! What do you think you're going to do with that, hit me over the head?
JERICHO
I'm waiting for someone.
DWEJIMI
Well someone better be here quickly - I'm a second away from slicing your head off.
JERICHO
(worried)
Just… just give me a minute.
DWEJIMI
No.
(raises sword, strikes down in slow motion)
DIE!
CHIKIM
(rushing in, intercepting sword)
Hands off my good-for-nothing father!
JERICHO
(abashedly)
I… I see you had a nice little talk with your mother...
DWEJIMI
(shocked)
What accursed family dynamic is this?!
JERICHO
A very broken one.
(turns towards Chikim)
It's time to fix it!
CHIKIM
(touched)
Awwww…
JERICHO
(yelling)
The sword, you good-for-nothing boy, the sword!
CHIKIM
(fumbling)
Yes, father, yes sir!
JERICHO
(angrily)
CHILD!
CHIKIM
(frantically)
I- I'm working on it!
JERICHO
Work harder!
DWEJIMI
(confused)
Hello? I'm still here?
JERICHO
(swinging sword haphazardly)
Give my son some space! He's still developing!
CHIKIM
(assembles sword)
Got it!
JERICHO
(snatching urgently, charging)
Fall, unholy usurper!
DWEJIMI
(screams, collapses to the ground)
What work of the gods is this?!
JERICHO
(hesitates)
I would kill you, but you have people to tend to.
(thinks)
But a tithe must be paid. Your leg it is.
(hacks at leg)
May the gods be pleased.
DWEJIMI
(crawling away)
You righteous maniac! Have your kingdom, have it! I don't want it anymore! But remember this - I let you have it! You did. Not. Win!
FADE TO BLACK:
EXT. DARK ALLEY - NIGHT
CHILDREN huddle around a burning trash can as their MOM and DAD tell a story.
CHILDREN
Then Mama, why are we like this now?
MOM
Well, Jericho died.
CHILDREN
So then… when Dad dies, we'll all die too? Because you and Dad always say we're your whole world!
MOM
(cooing)
Aww… that's so sweet!
DAD
(choking)
Caroline! Help!
MOM
(annoyed)
That's not funny, Max. Stop it!
DAD
(collapses on the floor, spasms)
Eugh!
MOM
(poking the father with a stick)
Yeah, he's dead. I wonder why…
(picks up plate)
Children, where did you get this meat?
CHILDREN
The sewers, Mama, just like you said!
MOM
I said the shopping mall!
CHILDREN
Fuck.
FADE OUT: